


if you were gay (that'd be okay)

by everytuesday



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Gen, M/M, Repression, being the gay secret keeper for all your friends and also two of their dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20779988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everytuesday/pseuds/everytuesday
Summary: Being the only out gay kid in a small town comes with 1) no perks and 2) the uncanny ability to attract every repressed closeted kid in a ten mile radius.Kevin adapts.(or: the one where literally everyone comes out to kevin)





	if you were gay (that'd be okay)

Being the only out gay kid in a small town high school is about as terrible as it sounds, but b eing the only out gay kid in a small town middle school was even worse. Kevin’s mostly moved on, though if he’s truly honest with himself he still flinches a bit when he sees certain football players wandering the halls, and occasionally fantasizes about going full  _ Heathers _ on their asses.  The weird, subtle homophobia from his peers is somehow a hundred times worse than the outright homophobia from the school’s more conservative teachers. The way the girls act around him, the forced niceness, the wide berth everyone gives him in the locker rooms.

The one lesbian teacher, Ms. Brandt, is his sole comfort in the hellhole. She’s a big butch woman with a buzzcut and motorcycle jacket and her glare silences even the biggest assholes in class. She formed a GSA Kevin’s freshmen year, exclusively for him, and their meetings mostly consist of Kevin venting for an hour about how much he hates his stupid classmates and their stupid straight problems and how ready he is to be in college. Ms. Brandt doesn’t even try to console him. She lets him get it out, then tells him to suck it up, get the best grades he can, and hightail it for the city as soon as he graduates. Kevin adores her.

The fact is, despite being the only  _ out _ gay kid in school, he isn’t the only gay kid. He knows this for a fact, because somehow he’s become the closet whisperer and a good half dozen of his friends have approached him to ask in increasingly unsubtle ways if he thinks their big gay feelings are a sign of latent homosexual tendencies.

The first time it happens, it’s kind of cool.

Kevin is the bullied thirteen year old who always seems to be covered in bruises and shoved into lockers. His dad goes down to the school every other month to yell at the principal  _ Why the hell won’t you protect my son? _ for a solid twenty minutes. He takes Kevin out for milkshakes afterward and tells him to not listen to the kids, tells Kevin that he’s kind, good, and smart and nothing else matters. They both wind up crying by the end of it and Kevin falls asleep from sheer emotional exhaustion before they even get home.

Cheryl Blossom, in the years before ruling Riverdale High as a cosmic megabitch, is a genuinely sweet girl, albeit with a touch of snobby rich kid attitude. She doesn’t run the same circles as Kevin, but then Kevin doesn’t really have “circles.”  Mostly he just has Betty, who picks him up off the floor and peer pressures him into going to the nurse’s office. He’s not sure if she thinks of him as a friend or a charity case, but he’s grateful either way.

Kevin notices Cheryl acting off toward the end of eighth grade, but he doesn’t know her well enough to ask for details.When Cheryl asks for his help with studying for a quiz, he isn’t enough of an ass to say no. She might need friends, and he definitely needs friends.

They sit in the library and go over their English essays together. Cheryl doesn’t talk, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to Kevin’s ideas either. Then, without warning, Cheryl throws herself at Kevin, weeping hysterically. Kevin has no idea what’s happening or why, but he hugs her back, whispering for her to quiet. The library is empty, thank god, save for the librarian who just gives Kevin a helpless shrug and goes back to her computer.

When Cheryl finally calms down, she stares at him through puffy eyes and sniffles. “I don’t know how you deal. I could never do what you do every day.”

“Do what?”

She looks around the library, then leans in and whispers so low Kevin almost doesn’t hear her, “Be  _ out _ .”

Oh.  _ Oh. _ “I didn’t want to be,” Kevin says, which is true. He never really had a closet to begin with. It had just been one of those things everyone had picked up on by the time he hit early elementary, even though he liked all the proper boy things and played sports without batting an eye. He just knew, and so did everyone else.

“My mother knows,” Cheryl says. “I think she does. I think that’s why she hates me.”

“Your mom doesn’t hate you,” Kevin says on reflex. He’s sure that’s what you’re supposed to say. “She maybe just doesn’t understand.”

Cheryl shakes her head. She wipes the tears from her eyes and takes a breath, her mask restored. “We should focus on the essay,” she says, straightening and pulling their assigned reading over to herself. She doesn’t say another word about being gay and Kevin doesn’t dare push her on it.

By the time freshmen year rolls around, Cheryl Blossom announces her reign as HBIC and Kevin can only vaguely see the vulnerable girl who’d come out to him less than a year ago underneath the pristine, future prom queen image she cultivates for herself.

At first Kevin hopes she’s okay, but she stays loud and abrasive and when Kevin tries to talk to her she tells him to fuck off and his hopes that they could be friends taking a stand against the horrors of high school together fade away.

* * *

The summer before freshman year is kind to Kevin. He hits a growth spurt and he’s at least as tall as the kids who bullied him the last few years. A month into the school year, it is in every sense of the word  _ better _ than middle school. Betty is an actual friend, and while he sometimes still wonders if she’s pitying him, there’s enough comradery between them that it’s mostly a passing thought. They have their “we’re above all of this” gossip and their mutual crush on Archie Andrews and if that won’t get them through the day together, nothing will.

He even starts hanging out with Betty’s friends, enough to consider Archie a friend. Jughead not so much. Archie and Betty seem to be the only ones to break through that strange, loner exterior, which makes it more than a little strange to Kevin when Jughead corners him at his locker after their last period and asks to  _ talk, now, please _ ?

Kevin’s not an asshole so he says sure and lets Jughead take the lead. He expects them to walk to one of their houses, but instead Jughead takes them to the sidewalk in front of the notoriously haunted abandoned house on East Griffith. Kevin still has no clue what’s happening.

“This is weird, by the way,” Kevin says to Jughead’s back, as Jughead stares up at the abandoned house.

“Wanna break in?” Jughead asks.

“No,” Kevin says emphatically. “We’re not friends, and even if we were, I don’t think we’d be the ‘break into empty houses’ type of friends.”

“I’m going to try the door,” Jughead starts forward across the lawn.

“Okay?”

Jughead walks up to the door with a strange amount of confidence. Even though Kevin trusts Betty’s taste in friends enough to feel confident Jughead won’t ax-murder him, the whole thing is skeevy as hell and he doesn’t want to follow Jughead. But when t he door clicks opens without resistance, Kevin follows Jughead inside.

It’s not creepy at all like he thought. The windows are curtainless, so it’s even brighter than a normal house. There’s also an overturned crate in the middle of the empty living room with some candy wrappers on top of it. A sleeping bag lies discarded beside it.

“Shit, Jug, someone’s been squatting here, we should go.”

“It’s fine,” Jughead shrugs him off. “They’re not here now.”

“Which brings up a really great question,” Kevin says. “Why the hell are  _ we _ here?”

Jughead sits down on the crate. “I just wanted some place private to talk.”

“Breaking into an abandoned house is the only private place you could think of?”

“Yeah,” Jughead says and for the life of him, Kevin can’t figure out if he’s being sarcastic or not.

“What did you want to tell me so bad?”

“When I was eight, I kissed Archie,” Jughead says. “My mom saw and sat me down and told me she loved me and all this stuff about how it was okay to be gay.”

“Cool mom.”

“I was  _ eight _ ,” Jughead stresses. “I thought I was in trouble because she sounded so serious. You know how parents tell you things are fine when they’re not? I was freaked out, so I told her it was just a joke. That he’d dared me to kiss him and we weren’t going to do it again. But I-- I think I might actually...”

“Be gay?” Kevin finishes for him when he sees Jughead seems to be struggling to get the words out.

Jughead swallows and nods.

“Hence the abandoned house and total secrecy,” Kevin says and Jughead just nods again. “Okay. Thanks for telling me.”

“Sorry,” Jughead mumbles. “I just-- No one can know, okay? Nobody. Not even Betty.”

“You don’t want to join the ‘openly crushing on Archie’ club? We’ve been thinking of making t-shirts. You can be co-presidents with Betty. I’m already secretary and treasurer.”

Jughead laughs, high and awkward.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Kevin reassures him. “If you ever need to talk to someone about it, you can always--”

“I won’t.”

And he doesn’t ever bring it up again. They exchange looks sometimes, when Archie does something cluelessly hunky or when the heterosexuals are at it again and Kevin just happens to meet his eyes first.

Jughead stays deep in the closet. When the weird loner thing starts to land him in hot water and the jocks begin spreading rumors and making snide comments about him and his pal Archie, Jughead starts dating Betty. Kevin has to physically restrain himself from saying something because the whole thing is so unfair to both of them. He gives Jughead an evil eye, mostly because he knows Betty would’ve bearded for him in a heartbeat if he’d asked and then her emotions wouldn’t be on the line like they are now.

* * *

Sophomore year is apparently when everyone loses their goddamn minds.

Kevin hadn’t specifically had a crush on Moose before their fling began. He was hot, sure, in the way half the guys on the football team were hot, but Kevin knows his place in the order of things and he’s been careful to keep the number of straight guy crushes he has limited to one.

Moose propositions him in the bathroom at homecoming and Kevin just sort of goes with it because like hell if Kevin Keller will pass up the opportunity to fool around with a closeted high school football star. It sounds like something out of a highly specific fantasy. Maybe not his fantasy, but it’s someone’s fetish and he feels honor-bound to go for it.

In the midst of the excitement, Kevin breaks his “no outing people” rule and spills his guts to Betty. And Veronica. And Archie. God, he’s an idiot. He covers both their asses by saying he thinks Moose is straight anyway and that’s that.  Besides, Moose doesn’t seem interested in coming out anytime soon and if Kevin wanted to have a closeted fling, he’d have tried necking Jughead in an abandoned house.

* * *

Kevin drives the new girl Veronica home from school one day when she turns to him and looks very serious, “Can you pull over for a second?”

A little unnerved, Kevin pulls over and waits for Veronica to get out or to say something.

“I’m not one of those straight girls who latches onto the first gay guy she sees, going all ‘ooh new bestie,’” Veronica says. “By which I mean, I’m not straight.”

Kevin loses his grip on the wheel and his hand slams into the car horn. He yelps, leans his body away from the wheel, then turns awkwardly toward Veronica. “So you  _ were  _ hitting on Betty. And that kiss was a real kiss, not a show-off cheerleading tryout stunt.”

“I’m not coming out. I was out in New York and that was fine, but I’m not out in Riverdale and I don’t think that would be a good idea. No offense, but being out in a small town is--”

“Horrific,” Kevin supplies.

“I just wanted to tell you. You know, you’re not the only one.”

“Oh, trust me. I was never the only one,” Kevin says ominously.

“Do tell.”

“I’m sworn to secrecy. But I might be persuaded to tell all after graduation, because at that point I don’t give a shit anymore and all you gay kids can see each other and realize how dumb all the pining you did was because you could’ve been out and proud the whole time and made me a lot less miserable.”

“Betty’s gay?” Veronica asks hopefully.

Kevin snorts. “Nice try.”

Veronica moves on from Betty and winds up with Archie, which Kevin thinks he should have seen coming.

* * *

Archie got hot during the summer before sophomore year, which means that he, Betty, and Jughead are clearly not the only ones aware of his innate hunkiness now.

Reggie Mantle, of all people, grabs Kevin by the shoulder and tells him they should go for a run sometime. Kevin says sure and Reggie says  _ right now _ , so they take off jogging. Reggie leads him to the middle of the woods and Kevin wonders idly if Reggie could have murdered Jason Blossom and if perhaps he should be a little worried about his own life.

When Reggie pauses in the middle of a clearing, he turns to Kevin and sighs, “Sorry for the secrecy, I just didn’t want-- I didn’t want anyone to hear.”

“Wait,  _ you’re  _ gay?” Kevin’s jaw drops as the pieces fall into place. “No freaking way.”

“I’m not  _ gay _ ,” Reggie puffs himself up and clenches his fists at his sides, either as an involuntary reaction or to intimidate Kevin. He’s not really clear and if it’s the latter, it doesn’t work.

“I’m starting to feel like no one actually wants to spend time with me, they just want to out themselves to the only person who won’t judge them. But actually I’m judging you all the most.”

“You mean other people have…?”

“Well I can’t tell you who they are, but yeah. Anyway, what’s your story?”

“I jacked off thinking about Andrews the other day.”

“Yeah, that’s gay,” Kevin affirms. “Or bi, if you’re still into girls. But definitely into men, I can confirm that is how that works.”

“If you tell anyone--” Reggie can't seem to come up with a good way to end the threat, so he puffs out his chest and tacks on, “Not that they’d believe you anyway.”

Kevin just laughs.

* * *

Joaquin is out. Really out. Oh sure he has to hide from his dad and most people in general, but that’s because Joaquin is part of a biker gang, which is so much sexier to hide than being in the closet.  They still sneak around, but if someone catches them kissing, the hope is that no one recognizes Kevin as being the sheriff’s son or Joaquin as being a Serpent. Not that someone will think they were just hugging or talking closely.

Kevin knows he shouldn’t, but he’s so relieved to have someone to talk openly with about things, he lets it all slip out. Joaquin listens and cracks jokes right along with Kevin about it, then complains about some dumbass closeted kids as Southside High.

“There’s one out girl there,” he says. “But she’s not out so much as she just doesn’t hide it, which is cool, but also...”

“Also she should just come out so you’re not the only one.”

“The Southside isn’t actually that bad with gay stuff. There’s assholes, but the assholes are open about it. Every time we go to the Northside, I feel like the people watching us are trying to dissect me with their minds.”

“It’s the gang jacket.”

“Nope,” Joaquin shakes his head. “No, even when I take it off, I feel it. It’s bad up here. It’s bad down there, but up here no one’s open about it, it’s just all the mean looks. I hate it.”

When Joaquin leaves, Kevin aches not just for the losing his first love, but for the loss of someone to talk to about things. Joaquin brought a sense of normalcy with him that Kevin will desperately miss.

* * *

Jason Blossom’s murder is solved, but then there’s a serial killer on the loose and Kevin thinks he’s free of coming outs for awhile. Surely the gay teens of Riverdale High have bigger worries than repressing their big gay feelings for their same-gendered friends when they could all die at any moment.

In most respects, he’s right, but Kevin doesn’t factor in the possibility that Riverdale High’s teenagers aren’t the only ones closeted. Or that there are non-teenagers who are closeted. As in adults. As in, his friends’ parents.

Archie asks Kevin to stop by his house to grab a textbook for a study session at Pop’s. Archie and crew are already there and Kevin’s running late as it is, so he doesn’t think twice about it. He follows Archie’s instructions to grab the spare key under the mat and slips inside.

It isn’t until he’s halfway up the stairs to Archie’s room that he realizes Mr. Andrews is home. There’s hushed voices from inside Fred’s room across the hall from Archie. Kevin tip-toes up the rest of the way, snags the textbook from Archie’s room, and starts making a beeline for the door.

He gets halfway down the stairs when he hears a door open. Kevin dares to look behind him and sees not Fred Andrews, but FP Jones standing at the top of the stairs. His shirt is unbuttoned, his hair is disheveled, and he clearly was not anticipating Kevin standing there.

“What’s going on, F?” Fred appears behind FP, in a similar state of dishevelment, his hand reaching for FP’s back before he notices Kevin and lets it fall to his side.

All three stare in silence for an agonizing twenty seconds.

“I won’t tell Archie or Jughead,” Kevin says.

“We’d… appreciate that,” FP says, stilted.

Kevin wants to say something inspiring about how it’s vaguely cool to know his friends’ dads are gay too, but they’re also clearly closeted and Kevin doesn’t want to push that button.

He can’t look Archie or Jughead in the eye for a week.

* * *

Josie and Kevin get weirdly close by commiserating over their parents’ affair and Josie just lets it slide, casually, that she’s had the biggest crush on Valerie Brown for years.

“Don’t tell her though?” Josie asks, predictably.

“You have no idea how many closeted secrets I’m keeping right now,” Kevin says. “You could come out. Take the lesbians off my hands, please. The repression is killing me.”

“Lesbians, as in _ plural _ ?”

Kevin nods. “Everyone in school is so gay and no one’s talking to anyone about it. I’m stress eating about it.”

* * *

The Serpents join the school and Kevin braces himself for what he’s sure will eventually end in bloodshed or more kids seeking him out. Joaquin had never named names about which Serpents were gay, but Fangs and Sweet Pea sure do set off a hundred bells in his mind.

Fangs mentions Joaquin by name and Kevin decides he’s just going to assume Fangs is gay until proven otherwise.

* * *

When Cheryl starts publically dating Toni, Kevin almost cries. They’re not friends, she’s still a megabitch, and he’s still the only out gay guy in school, but he’s not the only gay kid anymore. Ms. Brandt tells him he should invite them to the GSA meetings and Kevin sends them a link to a private facebook event, which they don’t show up for because they’re up to some Serpent shenanigans.

Toni takes time to seek him out though, sitting across from him at lunch. “I know you’re still the only out guy and you and Cheryl aren’t friends, but if you ever need the support...”

“I think I love you,” Kevin says.

Toni laughs, “I was one of the only out kids at Southside High. I know how it goes. It sucks.”

“Okay,” Kevin leans across the table and lowers his voice. “Were you the not-quite-out girl Joaquin told everything to?” 

“That’s me,” Toni grins. “Literally, I can tell you everything. If you tell me everything? I know secrets, but come on. Since Joaquin fucked off to god knows where I’ve been going insane.”

So Kevin lets it all out, right there. Cheryl, Jughead, Veronica, Reggie, Moose, Mr. Andrews and Mr. Jones, Josie. Toni listens and grins.

“I knew Jughead was gay,” she says. “We made out once and he was, uh... Really gay about it.”

“At what point do I tell Betty? I’m pretty sure they’ve slept together and the whole thing is just getting out of hand.”

“I think you’re way past the point of no return on that one. Just buckle up for the ride.”

“You got any good repressed gay drama from your side of things?”

“So Sweet Pea and Fangs both came out to me and Joaquin. Separately. And they’re into each other but they’re idiots and they won’t say anything.”

That’s a dilemma Kevin hasn’t quite had to face yet and he mulls it over, “Couldn’t you just lure them somewhere and then spring out with a ‘you’re both bi’ banners and hope they're too blissfully in love to be mad?”

“Sworn to secrecy though. On my honor as a Serpent. There’s literally nothing I can say.”

“Huh. Wait, do I not count?”

“Gay code overrides the Serpent Code,” Toni says sagely.

* * *

Kevin thinks he knows the “you’re the only gay kid in school so I’m going to come out to you” routine by the end of junior year. Somehow he still manages to be blindsided by it. Maybe because he just never expected it from Archie Andrews. Or maybe because Archie has a lot of reasons to ask him to hang out, like the fact that they’re friends and Archie’s been through hell and clearly needs all the support he can get.

“What’s up?” Kevin asks, sitting with Archie on the docks at the watering hole. “You’re weirdly quiet.”

“I don’t know how to say it,” Archie says, still deep in thought. “I keep trying to find a way and it sounds bad every time.”

“Something that happened to you this year?” Kevin asks.

“Sort of,” Archie says. “Yeah, I guess.”

They sit in silence for awhile, watching the sun go down. Kevin glances over at Archie every few seconds, worried.

“Joaquin kissed me in detention,” Archie says finally. “Right before he stabbed me. It was like some… apology, maybe? I don’t know.”

“ _ Joaquin _ ?”

“That’s why I didn’t want to bring it up, but I don’t know who else to talk to.”

“It’s not like that’s your first time kissing a boy,” Kevin says without thinking and then realizes he’s not supposed to know that.  Outing Jughead was never in the plans, but if Archie’s about to come out ( _ Archie fucking Andrews is about to come out to him _ ), surely Jughead wouldn’t mind. But then, maybe he isn’t and he’s just a straight guy having a crisis about being kissed by another guy. He adds anyway,  “I mean, I assume…? You and Jughead always were weirdly close even in elementary school.”

“Oh,” Archie frowns. “I thought maybe-- Nevermind. Um, I just. I don’t know. It just got me thinking about how I’ve never thought about, you know… gay stuff.”

“And now that you’ve thought about it?”

“I-- might like both. Is that weird?”

“Is being bi weird?” Kevin tries rephasing the question for him.

“No, just that someone had to kiss me before I ever thought about it. Everyone always talks about how they ‘always know’ and I don’t think that’s me.”

“You’re like sixteen, dude, that’s a perfectly normal age to figure it out.”

“Okay. Thanks, Kev.”

Archie gives him a bro shoulder pat and gets up from the dock.  Kevin stares after him, mulling it all over in his mind. Archie Andrews, swinging both ways. Who’d have thought?

Jughead’s mom, probably.

* * *

It’s senior year, half his class has outed themselves to him, but there’s still one last surprise.

He’s sitting with Betty in her room, sorting through college applications. It’s nice. Easy, still, though he knows in five years he probably won’t miss this very much. They’re going to grow apart, that’s the unfair nature of growing up.

“Kevin, I’m gay,” Betty says and Kevin promptly falls out of his chair.

“Sorry?” Kevin sits up, trying to recover. “What about Archie? What about  _ Jughead _ ?”

“Oh, Juggie’s gay. Didn’t you know that? I thought it was real at first too, but then he felt bad and told me. But we kept dating since it was easier for him to just stay closeted. And it wasn’t like I was really interested in anyone else at that point.”

“Wait so you-- How long--?”

“Um. Well the four of us went back to Veronica’s place-- La Bonne Nuit, not the Pembrooke-- after prom and one thing led to another and-- Veronica and I sort of kissed. Everyone’s going off to college and I don’t know if it’ll actually last but if we’re both in New York, who knows?”

Kevin stares at Betty, who seems rather oblivious to the enormity of her statement. He doesn't have anything quippy to add to it, just gapes at her as she goes back to her application.

* * *

Graduation comes and goes and people start heading off for college or whatever they’re doing to get the hell out of dodge.

Kevin doesn’t tell-all like he always thought he would. Somehow with college ahead of him, it all seems less important. Maybe the ten year reunion, if most of them are out, he’ll make fun of them. Assuming they haven’t figured it out by then, and he really hopes they do. Some part of him still wishes they had come out in high school, just knowing how many of them there were.

Being the only out gay kid in a small town, when that small town is Riverdale, is just complicated. And sometimes you wind up a closet-whisperer, apparently.


End file.
